Only my closest friends know that I am an accomplished mountain climber. But I guess it’s time to come clean. I learned my craft at a very early age, using my baby blanket to scale the claustrophobic confines of my crib. Later, at the age of 6, I starred as a young Peter Parker in an off-Broadway production of Spiderman: The Musical.

After a spectacular matinee performance in front of then-President Jimmy Carter (and his daughter Amy), I got the opportunity to work overseas, where climbing was more about the high than the spotlight. To this day I can still remember getting safety-harness tips from the Dalai Lama. What a man, and what a climber!

Although I don’t like to brag, I recently completed one of my most impressive feats. On a recent trip to San Francisco, some of my friends bet me $1,000,000 that they could drive to the top of a nearby cliff before I could climb it. The suckers! It was the easiest money I ever made. (Note to the IRS: they still haven’t paid.)

Below: You can see some of my climbing skills. (And my ass.)