Here I am with my good buddy, Randy Raskin, standing on his back porch in Ft. Lee, NJ. Not only is he in charge of this website, but he’s one badass cook. He’s probably going to delete this story as soon as he sees it, so you better read this quick . . . In honor of Father’s Day, he invited his father (seated) and father-in-law over to his place for a barbeque. That weekend I was in New York City for a book event, so he asked me to join them. Throw in his wife, his mom, his aunt, & his mother-in-law, and there were eight of us total.

Now here’s the funny part: Do you know what he cooked for us? You’re going to think I’m exaggerating, but I swear to God I’m not. First of all, he cracked open a family pack of hot dogs ― 50 franks in all. Then he broke out a five-pound bag of ground meat and made two (count ’em: two) hamburgers that were the size of watermelons. Next, his wife brought out a chicken (a whole friggin’ chicken!) and threw that bird between the dogs and burgers. I swear, his grill looked like a vet’s waiting room. But I ain’t done. He followed that up with a pack of porterhouse steaks and five racks of shish kebobs, vegetables and all. Then, since he didn’t want us to overdose on protein, he brought out fruit salad, corn on the cob, potato salad, potato chips, and four cakes. Yep, four full-size cakes . . . for eight of us. That’s half a cake each! Thank god his porch was made of reinforced concrete, otherwise it would’ve cracked off from the weight of the wieners alone . . . A week later, I asked him what the hell he was thinking, and do you know what he said? “I’m not sure, but I think I overestimated the food situation.” Ummmmm . . . yep.